Marriage

Everything is love: How to keep from going APEshit after birth

I’m sure you all heard about the struggles with your significant other after having a baby. And let me just say IT IS REAL. Surprisingly though, it hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be. (I think it’s goes back to what I discussed in my “1st week postpartum” post – COMMUNICATION) Anywho, I wanted to share our experience and what my husband and I have found to work.

So, as a breastfeeding mom who doesn’t really like to pump yet, it’s a little frustrating because I’m the only one who can help my kid. Lol! Ryann is now 3 weeks and she’s still eats very often. The minute she cries, I have to stop everything I’m doing to give her my boob. It can become very frustrating. At one point I found myself feeling so upset and saying to Joel “I just feel like I can’t do anything”. Because realistically, I can’t. Lol! But I also found myself being lowkey upset with Joel and I knew that was not okay because it is not his fault.

The reason why I appreciate him so much is because he not only FORCES me to communicate with him, he checks on me and ask me am I okay and do I need anything. (About every 30 minutes lol) Now, if you’re in a funk, that can be a little annoying especially if you’re feeling like “YES! I NEED YOU TO BREASTFEED THIS KID SO I CAN TAKE A NAP TOO!” But once again, I remind myself IT IS NOT HIS FAULT! Lol! But no, him asking me and just physically being here, is so helpful. (I am extremely sad that he has to go back to work next week)

Here’s a few things that works for us:

Checking In: As a new mom, (especially after the first few days of coming home), your body is DONE. Sore, tired, torn! So, having your significant other there to just make sure you’re okay is LOVE. To grab you something to drink, warm up your food, anything! (And don’t feel bad – I feel so bad sometimes, but they understand!) And remember COMMUNICATION. If they’re not doing something you want/need JUST TELL/ASK THEM. Also, check in with them too! Yes, we carried the kid, we have to feed the kid all day, we’re not getting the rest they get, BUT this is new to them too! They are exhausted. They have feelings. They MATTER!

 GIVE THEM THE BABY: This was hard for me but now I’m like yesss, go with daddy! Or I’m dropping her off right in his arms while I’m walking in the kitchen. Lol! It’s hard because as soon as Ryann starts crying, I’m running to make sure she’s okay or immediately think she’s hungry. Uhhh, no. She’s a baby and she’s fussy. She’s okay! Even if it’s for a good 15 minutes. I can shower or make my own lunch for once. It’s needed! Don’t feel bad! That baby ain’t going nowhere. (And if you’re anything like me, you’re not too far from them so you can still see what’s going on from wherever you are in the house lol)

Get out the house for a few: Of course, you probably don’t want to do much. But something like a trip to Target is perfect! Whether you want to bring the baby and spouse with you OR you want to run to a store alone. Do something! Sitting in the house for weeks straight is exhausting! Joel has been trying to get me to go get my nails done for the past week but I’m like “thanks but no thanks”. Lol! (I’m just not ready to be gone that long lol)

Switch off making dinner! (Or don’t make it at all and get something easy to warm up lol) Funny story: I had Joel make dinner the other night and when I tell you he was STRESSED! It was the funniest and cutest thing ever. He said he felt like he was going in blind because he just didn’t know what to do. (Mind you, I was giving him step by step directions lol) No but seriously, you don’t have to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner all the time! Sidebar: A cool idea that Joel suggested a week before Ryann got here was using the crockpot more! This saves so much time. You can throw something in the crockpot and don’t have to touch it until it’s time to eat. All you have to do is put it on a plate when it’s dinner time. (Paper plates if you’re like me and don’t feel like washing dishes these days lol)

Give them their time! (I learned this during pregnancy lol) The other day I was little upset because Joel was getting up to go to the store. My thoughts: Dang, I can’t just get up and go anywhere. (I guess I was hating?) I didn’t say anything to him because I realized how much he need his space too. (And because he was going to the store for me haha) I remember getting upset for the same thing when I was pregnant. Joel was going to the gym and I was so emotional. I’m like wtf! You’re leaving again! You just got home from work. He told me how going to the gym helps him relieve stress and keeps him sane. So, now when he goes to the gym, I don’t say anything. He has wife and a daughter now, so I just KNOW he needs his time. Lol!

                                 

Y’all know I always say DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! I am a firm believer that everything ain’t for everybody. I can honestly say I have been blessed with Joel. I know I get on his nerves but he does everything I ask for without a problem. (He probably walks away rolling his eyes but that’s okay lol) I would love to hear some afterbirth marriage/relationship advice/suggestions! What have you found to work/not work for you and your family?

As always, like, share, comment, ask questions!

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  • KIMBERLY LUCAS GILLIOND
    October 16, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    Your testimonial will be a big help to the next new mommy. I am very proud of you. Being a parent is our greatest gift but also our most challenging job but God…God does not give us more than we can bare. And to have someone call you Mommy is priceless.